Lindsay Vying For Prison Cool-Girl Status
by Ryan Porter
Lohan Lockdown--Day 7: Everywhere Lindsay Lohan goes, people are calling her name: "firecrotch!" "firecrotch!" "firecrotch!:
Who would have thought that in the stinky, makeup-free pits of an L.A. women's prison,
Lindsay Lohan would face her old enemy? We meet again, "firecrotch."
The rude title, infamously bestowed upon her by entitled party-boy
Brandon Davis in a 2006 video shot by TMZ, was the chorus Lindsay met as she skulked through the prison hallways, an inmate told the U.K.'s
Daily Mirror.
"Some of the inmates in our ward, some of the tougher ones, were yelling 'firecrotch' at her," a newly released prisoner confirmed to the paper. "They just started chanting it at her. Lindsay didn't say nothing. She was crying though." The truth hurts.
But rest assured, Lindsay may be many things--a prisoner, an addict, a fair-weather lesbian--but she is
not a nerd! Her lawyer insists she has made friends, fellow prisoners she can pour her heart out to about how she's feeling, or even just to trade tips on stealing mink jackets from parties.
Lindsay's prison neighbour,
Alexis Neiers, the 19-year-old
Pretty Wild reality star who was serving time for robbing
Orlando Bloom's house, didn't see these Lindsay girl-gab sessions that her lawyer's alluding to, even though she had a neighbouring cell. Alexis was released on Friday after serving 30 days of a 180 day sentence, and will appear on
E! News on Monday night to goss all about it.
She says every time she saw Lindsay, she was accompanied by a guard, which made the prospect of striking up a conversation extra daunting. "We were in protective custody, so it's not like anyone can get near you," she says. "I just saw her a couple times, and I really wish her the best."
Alexis, who was also suspected of robbing Lindsay's house, says she heard the 24-year-old loudly sobbing, but tried to block it out. "I could hear her," Alexis says. "She was talking to deputies and, you know just trying to--I couldn't really like make it out, but from what I saw the first day, I mean, she was lying in there and just trying to, like, calm down."
It sounds like there's a lot more taunts and tears going down in there than
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants moments. At least Lindsay can take comfort in the fact that her sentence keeps getting slashed. The 90 days she was sentenced to is likely to lead to less than 14 days behind bars. She's halfway there. And then she can go around to all her new friends and get them to sign her prison scrapbook. Of course, in lieu of pens they'll have to sign in Velveeta refried beans, but it will still be a charming keepsake.