Angelina Can Wear Anything, Including Duct Tape
by Ryan Porter
Glossed Over: The Best of Celebs on the Newsstand.
Star
Most "Pink Did It Better" Angelina Jolie wore duct tape on her nipples? Let me get my smelling salts!
Star has black and white pics of Angelina in suggestive, bondage-light poses from back in the heroin-smoking days. "Brad is going to lose respect for her!" a "family" source predicts.
Brad...
Paisley? I think
Brad Pitt's seen it.
Also in Star: Star thinks they know who Bachelorette
Ali Fedotowsky winds up with: Arizona Cardinals quarterback
Matt Leinart. I guess this is what football players do when
Jessica Simpson is in a relationship.
Us Weekly
Simplest Wedding For 10 MillionSince when do we believe
Star anyway? In an alternate ending for
The Bachelorette, Ali Fedotowsky is engaged and planning an early '11 wedding. Her hairstylist predicts the wedding "wouldn't be over the top." The preliminary designs for the billboards suggest otherwise.
Also in Us Weekly: Just because
The Situation pours a pot of marinara sauce on
Snooki on the upcoming season of
Jersey Shore does
not mean it promotes negative Italian stereotypes.
In Touch
Most Do Not WantIn Touch is still trying to make
Scott Disick happen. A source says the villainous husband of
Kourtney Kardashian has a bunch of sex tapes he had friends secretly record of him with randoms. What a proud moment. He is truly a Kardashian now.
Also in In Touch: In Touch, I forgive you for every terrible lie you've spread about
Jennifer Aniston's uterus, because
these illustrations of
Lindsay Lohan's time in jail, done by her actual court-room sketch artist Mona Shafer Edwards, make the Mona Lisa look like it was painted by an elephant.
Lindsay is pictured being led out of court in handcuffs, marched down the prison hallways as prisoners jeer, sitting by herself in her cell surrounded by Cheese-Puffs and SPAM as she devours a Kit-Kat, and visiting with her sister
Ali while her mom
Dina applies lipstick. Combined with headlines like "EVERYONE HATES HER," it can only be described as haunting. Or hilarious. Hauntingly hilarious. Like
Ghost Whisperer.