Dear Aunt Mab,
"I've noticed that 'Jon & Kate Plus 8' dad Jon Gosselin has moved on really quickly from wife Kate after announcing their divorce. It seems like he's running around town with a lot of different woman so I'm just wondering how soon is too soon to move on in a marriage - especially where children are concerned."
 

 
 

Aunt Mab says -

Ah, Jon Gosselin, New York’s newest playboy. He definitely has been in the media recently for his attachment to various women. This is a tricky situation, because most couples that separate don’t have the unfortunate situation of having to see one another in the paper or online.  Jon and Kate are literally everywhere right now thanks to their pending divorce.  

When a couple ends their union, there are still many ties that bind.  And more often than not, that includes their children.  If you’re going to get back on the market shortly after separating, that is your business and no one else’s.  However, just keep the kids guarded from any behaviour that is unusual for them to see.  It’s imperative that you give your children – no matter how old or mature they are – time to get used to the idea that their home will never be the same again.  Children are extremely fragile in this situation.  In this case both parents need to communicate very well with them about their feelings towards the situation.  You will want to have a better understanding of how they are being affected during the transition.  Some kids will adjust quite well, but there is always a chance that children will blame themselves and trotting around town with another partner will not alleviate their pain.  In some cases you should probably give both you and your children time.  Bouncing around from partner to partner isn’t going to fill the void, but again, that’s your choice and every situation is different.

Where custody is concerned the Gosselin’s actually have a great system worked out.  They alternate custody of the kids while the other gets time off.  So, although Jon seems so far away from his children, he still spends the same amount of time with all eight of his kids.  And instead of them being taken back and forth between homes, they always stay at their original house which gives them stability in an otherwise unstable situation.

I must warn you though – if you are newly divorced you will see a side to your ex-partner that you may have never seen before.  Don’t be shocked that they have moved on quickly from your marriage.  It will hurt but it’s important to know that people react very differently when a relationship comes to an end.  The best thing you can do is put everything behind you and figure out how to be a pillar for your kids.  Don’t forget about taking care of yourself, but just know that if you crumble before your family, you are of no use to them and things will only deteriorate further.

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